fire & water

P1210774-

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Now that the mountain
Has burst into flame
Begging the river
Not to put it out.

(Arashiyama, 28.11.13)

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4 Responses to “fire & water”

  1. The greatest problem with this haiku poem (or haiqua) is perhaps its hyperbolic tone: how can we ‘beg’ a river… and anyway the river water will not sweep the scarlet maple leaves away until they have fallen of their own accord. The poem came into my head, as if a mantra, and I jotted it down. I kind of like the t-t-t-t-t in the last line. Have just added the tag ‘workshopping’, so please feel free to suggest revisions or to criticize the work outright. I am not happy with it myself.
    The colours in the photo have not been altered in any way – exactly as experienced.

  2. david mccullough Says:

    How about making the river the beggar?

    • Thanks fro the comment, D. You mean ‘the river begs’ as 3rd line?
      Sounds a bit as if another party (God?) is about to apply the river to douse the foliage! I think I must have misread your remark.

  3. First thought (without looking at the picture) – someone who likes to see fires.
    —————————

    I like like the phrase “burst into flame” for the autumn colors. Could there be another way to help bring the imagery of autumn into a clearer focus? For example: Now that the mountain colors/
    have burst into flames. / Or, the mountain colors/ bursting into flames.

    The thought of what will happen to this marvelous scenery, when the leaves fall into the river, is interesting. Or, what happens when it rains?

    Now that the mountain colors
    have burst into flames
    not wanting the rain
    to put it out

    I’m reminded of these two poems by Basho;

    gathering all
    the summer rains, swift
    Mogami River

    thrusting the hot sun
    into the sea:
    Mogami River

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