Trial post

Hi folks! Rocky Ikeishi here! Please give me some comments to help improve this recent senryu scribbling, in either English or Japanese. Thanks. Mud is a seasonal reference for early spring? I should acknowledge help with the Japanese translation from Jin Matsumoto.

Bringing a part of Mt. Ogura

To the preservation meet –

Mud on his boots





3 Responses to “Trial post”

  1. durojaiye Says:

    how about something less direct:

    traces of Mt. Ogura
    at the preservation meet
    mud on his boots

    reminds me a bit of this one by Michael Dylan Welch;

    beach parking lotー
    where the car door opened
    a small pile of sand

  2. durojaiye Says:

    after the suggestion above i also remembered Robert Epstein’s

    back from vacation
    I let traces of sand
    remain in the car trunk

    so how about:

    a small clump of Mt Ogura…?

  3. rsteiner Says:

    With spring upon us, the heart beats a bit softer, not having to push the languid blood thru the tunnels from near-frozen pinkies up to Organ Central. Added to this joy, spring also awakens extra poetic energies to match the raising outside temperatures:

    Marching into April,

    may June feel as I do;

    she hand-springs nearby.

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