Old porch–

the storm slaps down

a chip of hail.



5 Responses to “VIII”

  1. Personification – ‘slaps down’ – if used judiciously (as here) sometimes has a way of bringing the reader into an animistic frame of mind. I like this. Nature, … but with character and attitude!
    By the way, what did you think, Ellis, of Nobuyuki’s haibun ‘Eyes of Dragonflies’, I wonder? Go to the new page ‘Longer Haibun’ for a read? He’d appreciate your ‘writer’s comment’, I’m sure. So great to have you with us!

  2. Are we gambling with Nature?! Well done! Although, it is a wee-bit cliche. The opening verse “Old porch” reminds of Basho; and, seems a nice tie to a different “mizu no oto”…

    ciao… chibi

  3. david mccullough Says:

    a chip off the old block

  4. Thanks for your comments, all! Chibi san, you’ve inspired a more Basho-conscious rewrite:

    Old porch in the rain:
    A chip of hail.

    Will get to the longer haibun, but it’ll take time. Happy summer– E.

  5. The original version is miles better.

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