the coming & going
of our neighbors
snow dust


5 Responses to “XV”

  1. Keith A. SIMMONDS Says:

    in the sunshine…
    mounds of snow

  2. John Dougill Says:

    I like the idea of the haiku but not so much the form. The comings and goings of our neighbours seems a bit prosaic, on top of which the long first line and shorter second one upsets me a bit… maybe I’m too much of a formalist, but I’d prefer ‘our neighbours/ coming and going/ snow dust’. The haiku leaves one thinking about the connection (or non=connection!) of snow dust and the neighbours… Nice.

  3. John, i agree about the comings and goings being a bit prosaic. i was going for poetry in the first two lines with the cliche. the poem seemed to want to wear this form. i intended to post:

    the coming & going
    of our neighbors
    snow dust

    i don’t know how those gremlin (s’) got into the poem. the version before this was close to your version:

    the neighbors
    coming & goingー
    snow dust

    i thought this wasn’t version as poetic, and didn’t convey fully the meaning and image i was trying to share.

  4. John Dougill Says:

    Hi Gerald…

    I like that final version. In minimalist fashion it sets up two quite disparate images with a clear seasonal feel and a suggestive connection that hovers in the realm of the imagination….

  5. I’m a fan of the final version, too– not only do you have two different images, but also two different registers of language: the first two lines rooted in the human and everyday, the third in the evanescent, seasonal, poetic. Would “come & go” be TOO minimalist? –Ellis

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