Passing Spring

thick voices

of the school ball game:

mud snail cries

There is a high school over the paddyfields,  not yet planted, the path to which I walk along everyday. I hear young baseball-players shout as paddy-snails cry softly under warm sun.

end of spring:

looking at us over the fence

a giraffe


4 Responses to “Passing Spring”

  1. Thanks for this insight into your daily life with its nice seasonal feeling. I tidied up one or two things, of which I hope you will approve, especially your former mention of ‘spring ending’ just before the first line ‘end of spring’. A few questions arise:
    1. ‘thick voices’ – an interesting phrase
    2. since you have ‘cries’ in the 1st. haiku and ‘cry’ in the prose for the snails, why not change one to a more specific verb (whimper, tweet, burble): no one knows what they sound like!
    3. are they looking after a giraffe at the school? the piece reads like a haibun, but perhaps it is two separate haiku, only one of which has a comment?

  2. As to your question No.3, Stephen, I thought the two are separate, too. Their theme is common, of course — the passing of the Spring. Are we right, Hisashi?
    Incidentally, the second reminds me of Hinao Goto’s haiku:

    (Kubi nagaki kirin no ue no haru no sora)

    A giraffe —
    The serene Spring sky
    Over his long neck.

    The poet is enjoying a pleasant day in the zoo, probably with his young kid, isn’t he?

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Right! Toshi-san.
    The giraffe in the zoo! I wanted to express the pleasantness and calmness with the animal as Hinao did.
    As for the voice of mud snail (and tortise), no one knows. It’s imaginary and readers can fancy it as they like. Not interesting?
    Thank you! hisashi

  4. This reads like a haibun, but it needs a sentence about the zoo. Without that, the giraffe is at the school! If it is a pair of haiku with a comment about one only, I find it confusing. Also confusing: you have become Anonymous?

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: