a cirku for comments

golden stone cirku trim

 

(Kitasaga, Kyoto, 21.8.14)

 

Click on the photo to enlarge and read the cirku.

Questions: (1) Would the haiku have been better without the photo or (2) as a one- or two-liner rather than as a cirku?

As comments, your opinions, please.

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8 Responses to “a cirku for comments”

  1. I like the style – the circle, etc. All very symbolic.
    But there will be richer, freer associations in the Words alone. Golden will be more golden in the Words.

  2. Thanks, Bo, for starting things off so promptly. I will reserve my own opinion for later!

  3. I’m neutral on the first question, as I think the ku works well with the photo, but equally well without. I do think that presentation in any but circular form would impose unnecessary and undesirable limits on the ku. Some ku are particularly suited to presentation as cirku and I believe this is one such.

  4. Joseph Llewellyn Says:

    Hi Tito,
    1) I enjoyed the cirku-form, which suits the haiku very well as it can be read without reaching an end.
    2) I would like to see the cirku independent of the photo; black text on white background, or white on black. There’s a lot going on in the photo, and that distracts from the haiku/cirku’s chant-like quality.
    Joe

  5. haiku, one liner, cirku, haiga, there could be a flow in these transitions. Otherwise, “living a moment” could be main reason behind its success.

  6. Thank you all for your various comments. In essence, we all agree so far.
    The picture was taken just after I’d composed the haiku (perhaps 2 mins.). I had found the stone earlier on the walk on a cloudy day in a stream in the hills just above these rice-fields. As I walked back home, somewhat magically the sun came out as it was about to set and I felt a strong connection between it and the stone, almost as if the stone I had found had somehow made the sun come out! I realized, however, even as I took the photo, that I was perhaps going to be ‘closing’ the haiku down quite a bit by illustrating it. For example without the photo, a reader might take the subject of the verb ‘holding’ to be the sun itself, but the photo shows it to be in the poet’s hand.
    As to the cirku form for this poem, I do think it works well – in fact possibly better than a single horizontal line or two lines, for we are free to begin and end where we please. Not all haiku can be made into cirku. They have to work no matter what order the ‘lines’ are read in.
    Finally, to Neelam’s comment, if I understand it correctly: a moment really ‘lived’. For me, the constant mystery and wonder of things encountered – human, animal, vegetable, mineral, phenomenal – is what haiku are most often about. This one surely is. Haiku gives us an opportunity to preserve these moments and share them. Haiku composition, as a practice, is life-affirming indeed.

  7. Sue Richards Says:

    Western Haiga seems to be a form that does not, in most cases, take the reader into consideration as part of the process of engagement with haiku.

    The artist’s image is forced on one and that prevails, leaving very little in the way of response possible by the reader.

    Once seen, not forgotten.

    Readers bring to any piece of prose or poetry their own sensibilities and this is what makes for such a diverse and fascinating engagement.

    There are as many ‘understandings’ of each haiku as there are readers.

    • Sue, very well put. Thank you. The danger with so-called Western haiga or haipho is closing down or confining too tightly the reading of the words, and this is precisely why I brought up this subject. We are feeling our way, but suggestion or counterpoint is obviously much better than illustration, which is what happened, alas, to my haipho here.

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