Spring or not?

Here’s a haiqua penned today in Kitasaga. As it stands, does it evoke early spring… and, if so, why? Or should I tweak it/chuck it?

Littered mud
from big tyres
along the track –
a kite hunts low

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11 Responses to “Spring or not?”

  1. KB Nelson Says:

    I don’t know about evoking spring, but it certainly evokes a picture. I read it more easily as a haiku, especially with the lovely turn between the last two lines.(ie making middle 2 lines into 1)

  2. I dont think you need “from big tyres”
    for me it distracts from the spring theme

    • Thanks for your comment. The tyres were to imply a tractor and possibly spring ploughing. Deleting them might make spring more difficult to perceive, I fear.

  3. Ursula Maierl Says:

    This could speak of spring thaw or after rains during another time of year. I enjoy the contrast between the mud and skies, with the low-hunting kite, as well the heaven- earth connection.

    • ‘Littered’ was meant to imply that fairly dry, clinging mud that falls off a tractor’s wheels when the weather is fair and spring ploughing takes place. If it evokes any generally rainy, soggy period of the year to you (and you are entitled to this view, of course), then I failed with the existing words to evoke spring. Thanks for your comment. This is the sort of thing I was after.

      • Hisashi Miyazaki Says:

        Possible translation in Japanese tanka:「耕しの泥を散らせしタイヤ跡/鳶低く行き狩をするなり」
        耕し(ploughing) is a spring kigo as said previously and thus shundei above is evoked from 泥. This has two spring kigo of haiku; which is generally no problem in tanka. Haiqua! More to say, my personal suppose: why the kite hunted low is probably because it is easy to seek for its prey buried in the soil before ploughing. A hungry kite!

  4. Hisashi Miyazaki Says:

    Spring mud, a kigo of the early spring (shundei 春泥), is close to one Ursula suggests (spring thaw), and spring ploughing is also the kigo; shunkou 春耕. The scenery described in the haiku clearly evokes me, a Japanese, of peaceful vernal farmland over which a kite is flying. A nice picture!

    • Thanks for confirmation that you, a Japanese poet, find spring in this haiqua. ‘Spring’ is not mentioned in the poem, yet you associate the ‘littered mud’ with spring and no other season, right? Or is it because I posted it to the Icebox in March?!

  5. Hi Tito
    My comment was incomplete as I offered no explanation.
    I took “littered mud” as an indication of spring. For me, it suggested the spring thaw of snow that has been along the roadside, because why else would it be “littered”? I took “littered” literally, seeing debris in with the mud. I also enjoyed the sky/earth connection with “mud” and “kite”. I saw this as a country road scene because of the last line, I don’t think you see that in the city. Perhaps not the picture you intended. But I did get a sense of spring.

    • Paula, by ‘littered’ I was trying to describe/evoke a haphazard scattering of elongated pieces of semi-soft mud fallen from a tractor’s tyres as it returned from ploughing, and it was because of the open-endedness to interpretation (even of season perhaps) that I posed my question. You have helped answer it. Thanks for your input. I’m glad you got that sense of spring, although the details of your mental picture, like Ursula’s, seem to have been quite different.

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